I need to find a way to stop loving you but I just don’t know how. You’re the air I breathe and I just can’t let that go. I miss you so much. I just want to call you min again and I want to be yours. I would do anything to be with you again. 

I keep catching glimpses of the future, of what it could look like, of what it could be. I see a small house with a fireplace with us in front of it wrapped in blankets, a movie projected on the wall. Us, together in the morning, the sheets entangled between our legs as I lean on your chest, a book in my hand while you sleep in. Us, together cooking in the kitchen in our underwear. The early years as I go through school and you go to work and we live happily. 

Then time moves on and time moves on. I’ve opened a music hall and coffee house and it’s relatively successful. We’re standing on a raised platform above the crowd, each of us a beer in our hands. You’re standing behind me with your arms around me swaying slightly to the music then you turn me around to dance, just like we used to. 

Fast forward.

I’m pregnant. We’ve been together for what seems forever. There’s a nursery in our house. It’s a second chance; regaining what we’d both lost. 

I look over the crib and there’s a beautiful baby boy sitting there. He has big blue eyes just like his dad and my dark thick hair. He’s so peaceful all the time and you’re there with me standing over him glowing. You turn to kiss me. Time stands still. 

You’re my forever. I know I’m never going to be happy with someone else. This feeling that you’ve left me with, it’s a big gaping hole and no one can fill it.

I miss you holding me tight throughout the night. I miss the comforting feeling of your warm breath hitting the back of my head. I miss the way your beard would scratch me when you kissed me. 

I go through my day to day routine and you’re never far from me. You’re always there in the back of my head, haunting every thought.